The Little Planet that Couldn't: Wistful Ruminations of an Astronomer
After years of wrangling and a week of bitter debate, astronomers voted on a sweeping reclassification of the solar system. In what many of them described as a triumph of science over sentiment, Pluto was demoted to the status of a "dwarf planet." [The New York Times, Space & Cosmos, August 24, 2006]
One dwarf planet received a new name on Thursday from the International Astronomical Union, and another, Pluto, has a new number...[reflecting] its loss of planetary status. [The New York Times, Space & Cosmos, September 15, 2006]
Well, this was just a matter of time! All of us astronomers attending the International Astronomical Union General Assembly in Prague knew that the end was near. But until the very end, deep in our hearts, we maintained the flicker of hope that somehow the inevitable would not come to pass. But then it did, and we knew that our lives would forever change.
A "dwarf planet!" How dare they? From the very first moment I ventured into the exciting world of astronomy, I sensed that Pluto was the golden egg. And, boy, what a golden egg it turned out to be!
To the best of my knowledge no-one has ever really seen Pluto with their own eyes. Many years ago, an unknown Estonian scientist by the name of von Dwarfingrad claimed to have discovered a planet. He named it Pluto. Except for that scientist, however, no one else could verify this and as a result no one within the community of astronomers really believed this planet existed. But no one really cared either. What's one more planet!, they reasoned, It's not as if the existence of the other eight planets has made any difference in our lives.
But astronomers soon came to appreciate von Dwarfingrad's brilliance. By naming that grey, cold and remote asteroid after Disney's loveable puppy, the rest of the world somehow grew attached to that "planet." This included politicians too. Governments around the world literally made billions of research dollars available for unmanned photography expeditions to Pluto.
When politicians asked when they might expect to see some pictures of Pluto, they were told to wait patiently. Science cannot be hurried!, astronomers sniffed, Pluto is after all the most remote planet of our galaxy and it will take a few hundred years before the first of these unmanned vehicles ever reaches Pluto and sends pictures back to Earth.
The scam was perfect. One did not have to account to anyone. When friends asked what I did all day as an astronomer, I simply said I was studying Pluto. In reality, I didn't have to study a single thing. Pluto paid for my house, my Lexus and my membership to the golf club.
But all that is over now. There is nothing left for me to do. After all, which politician worth his stars is going to risk pouring any money into a dwarf planet? Just imagine the public outrage this would cause if an elected representative was shown to favor a dwarf planet over a quadriplegic planet, or even a left-handed planet!
I might as well have studied astrology. When I was young, my dad urged me to go into astronomy instead of astrology. "Only pansies enter astrology!", he said. I still don't know what being a pansy means, but by the tone of his voice I knew I did not want to be a pansy. Looking back, this seems like short-sighted thinking on my part. A friend astrologer has made a fortune with his bogus predictions. He may be a pansy, but look who's laughing now.
His Serene Highness,
The Magnificent D
One dwarf planet received a new name on Thursday from the International Astronomical Union, and another, Pluto, has a new number...[reflecting] its loss of planetary status. [The New York Times, Space & Cosmos, September 15, 2006]
Well, this was just a matter of time! All of us astronomers attending the International Astronomical Union General Assembly in Prague knew that the end was near. But until the very end, deep in our hearts, we maintained the flicker of hope that somehow the inevitable would not come to pass. But then it did, and we knew that our lives would forever change.
A "dwarf planet!" How dare they? From the very first moment I ventured into the exciting world of astronomy, I sensed that Pluto was the golden egg. And, boy, what a golden egg it turned out to be!
To the best of my knowledge no-one has ever really seen Pluto with their own eyes. Many years ago, an unknown Estonian scientist by the name of von Dwarfingrad claimed to have discovered a planet. He named it Pluto. Except for that scientist, however, no one else could verify this and as a result no one within the community of astronomers really believed this planet existed. But no one really cared either. What's one more planet!, they reasoned, It's not as if the existence of the other eight planets has made any difference in our lives.
But astronomers soon came to appreciate von Dwarfingrad's brilliance. By naming that grey, cold and remote asteroid after Disney's loveable puppy, the rest of the world somehow grew attached to that "planet." This included politicians too. Governments around the world literally made billions of research dollars available for unmanned photography expeditions to Pluto.
When politicians asked when they might expect to see some pictures of Pluto, they were told to wait patiently. Science cannot be hurried!, astronomers sniffed, Pluto is after all the most remote planet of our galaxy and it will take a few hundred years before the first of these unmanned vehicles ever reaches Pluto and sends pictures back to Earth.
The scam was perfect. One did not have to account to anyone. When friends asked what I did all day as an astronomer, I simply said I was studying Pluto. In reality, I didn't have to study a single thing. Pluto paid for my house, my Lexus and my membership to the golf club.
But all that is over now. There is nothing left for me to do. After all, which politician worth his stars is going to risk pouring any money into a dwarf planet? Just imagine the public outrage this would cause if an elected representative was shown to favor a dwarf planet over a quadriplegic planet, or even a left-handed planet!
I might as well have studied astrology. When I was young, my dad urged me to go into astronomy instead of astrology. "Only pansies enter astrology!", he said. I still don't know what being a pansy means, but by the tone of his voice I knew I did not want to be a pansy. Looking back, this seems like short-sighted thinking on my part. A friend astrologer has made a fortune with his bogus predictions. He may be a pansy, but look who's laughing now.
His Serene Highness,
The Magnificent D
posted by The Magnificent D at 11:05 AM
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