Letter to All Toddlers: The Chickenpox Party
Dear Little Tyke,
You have now turned 2, and you may soon be invited to join a burgeoning group of peers who have been or will soon be invited to chickenpox parties. In case you slept through those Baby Einstein CDs and are now too developmentally challenged to know what's going on out there and what these parties are, please let me explain.
You may or may not contract chickenpox sometime in the near future. If you do contract it, you will look fairly hideous for a few weeks, but you will eventually revert to your former cuteness. Once you've contracted it, your body will have developed an immunity against this disease for life. If you do not contract it soon, though, your parents may choose to have you vaccinated against the disease. Or they may arrange for you to be invited to a chickenpox party, where you will God willing contract the disease from your host, who will already be sick with this disease. Either way, you will end up becoming immune to this virus for the rest of your life. The drawback: you run the risk, albeit small, of developing an odd, chickenpox-related complication and die.
I sense your anxiety. You are probably gripped with fear wondering what you will wear to this party, what you will eat and other such existential questions. As a service to you, here are a few pointers:
1. What to wear? Wear swimming trunks and try to attend the party shirtless. You truly want to be able to hug your host upon arrival. If the host is gracious, then he or she will be shirtless too and, during the mutual hugging, some of the host's redness will hopefully rub off onto you.
2. What to eat? If the host's parents have a sense of humor, they will serve fried chicken. More importantly, you must demand that all the chicken be served to you and your friends from the same plate and that you and your friends, and the host of course, eat all the food with your hands. Hopefully the chicken will be hot and spicy so all of you will be coughing over each other as well.
3. What to play? There are no set rules on this one, but I suggest a game where you and your friends run from the cold kiddy pool into the warm kiddy pool over and over again. If you're lucky, you may then develop the flu. To be sure, mixing the influenza virus with the varicella virus might render you violently ill, but just think of the benefits: if you overcome this nasty cocktail of diseases, your body may forever be immune to even the chicken flu!
His Serene Highness,
The Magnificent D
You have now turned 2, and you may soon be invited to join a burgeoning group of peers who have been or will soon be invited to chickenpox parties. In case you slept through those Baby Einstein CDs and are now too developmentally challenged to know what's going on out there and what these parties are, please let me explain.
You may or may not contract chickenpox sometime in the near future. If you do contract it, you will look fairly hideous for a few weeks, but you will eventually revert to your former cuteness. Once you've contracted it, your body will have developed an immunity against this disease for life. If you do not contract it soon, though, your parents may choose to have you vaccinated against the disease. Or they may arrange for you to be invited to a chickenpox party, where you will God willing contract the disease from your host, who will already be sick with this disease. Either way, you will end up becoming immune to this virus for the rest of your life. The drawback: you run the risk, albeit small, of developing an odd, chickenpox-related complication and die.
I sense your anxiety. You are probably gripped with fear wondering what you will wear to this party, what you will eat and other such existential questions. As a service to you, here are a few pointers:
1. What to wear? Wear swimming trunks and try to attend the party shirtless. You truly want to be able to hug your host upon arrival. If the host is gracious, then he or she will be shirtless too and, during the mutual hugging, some of the host's redness will hopefully rub off onto you.
2. What to eat? If the host's parents have a sense of humor, they will serve fried chicken. More importantly, you must demand that all the chicken be served to you and your friends from the same plate and that you and your friends, and the host of course, eat all the food with your hands. Hopefully the chicken will be hot and spicy so all of you will be coughing over each other as well.
3. What to play? There are no set rules on this one, but I suggest a game where you and your friends run from the cold kiddy pool into the warm kiddy pool over and over again. If you're lucky, you may then develop the flu. To be sure, mixing the influenza virus with the varicella virus might render you violently ill, but just think of the benefits: if you overcome this nasty cocktail of diseases, your body may forever be immune to even the chicken flu!
His Serene Highness,
The Magnificent D
posted by The Magnificent D at 12:28 AM
1 Comments:
I think you're on to something here. At my Chickenpox Party I'll include a round of spin the bottle and some Twister.
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